What I have learned is that love comes in all forms. For some time I was showing love to my husband in a way I wanted to receive it. That is not always the best way to show love however. You see, we are all filled up by different love actions or “languages” It was only after reading the enlightening book, ” The 5 Love Languages” that we both discovered how to improve our relationship. In our 10 years together we have amplified our love in ways we could have never imagined.
Does this sound familiar?
“He just sits on the couch when I get home. I wish he would do the dishes or help more around the house. He never tells me he loves me or how proud of me he is, or that I am pretty.”
Maybe your husband isn’t feeling the love from you either as he is reminding you that the last time you were intimate was a few weeks ago. If these are the thoughts and conversations you are having with your spouse then I highly suggest you figure out what your love languages are so you can start on the journey of very powerful relationship.
Gary Champan helps us break down the 5 universal love languages so we can better understand our love blueprint, how we are hardwired to give and receive love.
1. Words of Affirmation.
One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Verbal compliments or words of appreciation, are POWERFUL communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straight forward statements of affrimation such as:
“you look handsome in that suit.”
“Wow, you look incredible in that dress.”
“I really like how you are always on time to pick me up at work.”
“You can always make me laugh”
Gary says that one of the deepest human needs is to feel appreciated. Words of affirmation will meet that need in many individuals.
2. Quality time.
Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. Not sitting on the couch or on the phone, especially on social media. I know, it can be tough to do. Gary says that when you spend time that way, the distractions have your attention, not your spouse. Makes total sense, right? So what QT means is TV off, sitting together, looking at one another and talking. DEVICES AWAY. My husband and I have a strict rule: no phones in our bedroom. Time is a very precious commodity. We can make the most of our hours by committing some of them to our spouse. If your mate’s primary love language is quality time, she or he simply wants you present, spending time with them.
3. Receiving gifts
This is so not my love language. I am not a great gift receiving person.
Gary says that almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All love languages challenge us to give to our spouse. Gary says that for some, receiving gifts are visible symbols of love and it often speaks the loudest. This may be you!
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, ” Look, he was thinking of me,” or ” She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn’t matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him or her.
4. Acts of Service
Now my primary love language is “acts of service”. This is my jam. By acts of service I mean, my husband doing things I would like him to do. The “honey to do list”. He can please me by serving me. It shows me he loves me when he does things for me.
How can he serve me? Cooking a meal, setting the table, feeding the dog, emptying the dishwasher, keeping our cars in good operating condition (my husband is a service director and it makes this an easy feat) etc. They all require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. Now, if he does these with a positive spirit, they are received as an expression of love. It puts into action the concept of, “actions speak louder than words.”
5. Physical touch
This is my husband’s primary love language. And I know what you are thinking, but it is not all about sex. It comes down to hugging, rubbing his arm, stroking his back and holding his hand. This fills his love bucket and when he doesn’t receive this love he is concerned. So I make a point to make sure I am giving him physical contact. It does require time and thought. But touching your spouse as you walk though the room only takes a moment. And a brief kiss as your are leaving the house does wonders.
Gary states that for some individuals, when physical touch is their primary love language without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled and they feel secure in their love with you.
Those are the 5 primary love languages broken down. And the best way to find out your love language is to take the love language quiz like we did at: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/.
I leave you all with this: To have and be loved you MUST know how to receive and give it. That is my best advice for a beautiful and love filled marriage. It has made all the different in the world for us. Just remember, ” love is not about how much you say ‘I love you’ but how much you can prove its true.”